he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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