I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
