You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
