it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
