It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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