he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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