walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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