I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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