I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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