Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Text me some of your sweat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
