Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't turn off my feet"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
