I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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