I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
