There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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