Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
