I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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