I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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