Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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