I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
