Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
