this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
