So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I could have mohawked her pubes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
