Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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