Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
