Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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