Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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