That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
