i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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