How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
