look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
