Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
