guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
