I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
