According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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