I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
