I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
