oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Mom said you looked used
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
