I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
