If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
