Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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