why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
