I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
