No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
