I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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