I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
