I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
