Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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