I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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