i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
