I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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