I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
