We named our party play list daddy issues
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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