dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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