Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
